At the end of my first year at William Jewell College, I wrote an advice piece for The Hilltop Monitor titled “Things I learned as a first-year.”  Two short, strange years later and I’m finishing my last year at Jewell. Here are some things I’ve learned this year. 

Quit stressing about “the plan” 

Even plans that seem concrete can go awry. My plan was to study at The University of Oxford my junior year and then spend my senior year at Jewell. Then, a global pandemic happened. I, instead, have spent my junior year completing all of my senior coursework in preparation for spending my senior year of college abroad. 

My plan to go to Oxford as a junior felt concrete at the time. However, no plan is permanent. This fact can be stressful, but it can also be liberating. 

If all plans can change, there’s no reason to stress about creating the perfect post-graduation career plan. There’s no reason to feel locked into decisions you’ve made for your life. The majority of decisions are reversible. The next time someone makes you feel insecure for not having life figured out, remember that it is impossible for anyone to have life figured out. Adaptability is a crucial life skill. 

There is no perfect college experience 

Sometimes, I feel like I only got three semesters of a real college experience. This feeling rests on a false assumption that the ideal college experience exists. 

Pandemic or not, every person’s experience at college will be unique to them. It is impossible to replicate someone else’s college experience. Just because you did not have the perfect internship or all in-person classes does not mean you didn’t have a valuable college experience. I learned that my years at Jewell were never going to be exactly what I expected, regardless of the pandemic. The best experiences are unexpected. 

Missed opportunities lead to unexpected ones 

While I was disappointed to not go to Oxford my junior year, missing out on this opportunity allowed me to have so many other wonderful experiences. 

I got to spend another year at Jewell with older friends who would have graduated by the time I came back to the United States. I spent a year playing tennis for Jewell, a chance I never thought I would have. I lived close to home for the first year of my nephew’s life. I took fascinating classes I never would have taken otherwise. 

While it’s easy to focus on the experiences we missed out on, it’s important to remember the experiences we gained. Over quarantine, I took the time to write a poem everyday, one of which got included in a community poem created by NPR. Despite the horrors of the pandemic, looking back I know I’ll never regret the time I spent with my immediate family when I lived at home over quarantine. I may not have been traveling the world, but I still made amazing memories. 

Take the time to enjoy the people around you 

My first year of college, I often confined myself to the silent floor of the Pryor Learning Commons to do homework. I had an excellent work ethic and would say no to hanging out with friends to finish assignments. This year, I refocused my priorities. 

School is important to me, but I’ve learned that relationships are more important. I might work better on the quiet floor of the PLC, but the benefits are not worth missing out on studying with friends. The time we get with the people we care about is limited. Don’t feel guilty for putting off an assignment to have a good conversation with a friend. Life gets its meaning from relationships. 

The effects of affirmation are short-lived

I have always been a good student. I tend to get positive feedback from my teachers and peers. The downside to this is that my self-esteem is a little too reliant on this reinforcement. I know many Jewell students are also achievement-driven.

The problem with being reliant on positive affirmation is that it forces us to set  unachievable standards for ourselves. It is good to want to always better yourself but you can’t base your whole identity on markers of success. College taught me that even after you win an award or get a good grade, you don’t feel any different. The happiness from achieving something wears off quicker each time. 

Instead, it’s important to find confidence internally, rather than externally. Just because others are not validating the work you are doing does not mean it is bad work – and doing good work does not have to be your ultimate goal. Find confidence in your strength, your adaptability and your compassion. 

Intelligence is fake 

My first year of college, I did not believe I was smart enough for a lot of my classes. I felt like I had fooled my professors into giving me good grades – maybe out of pity, maybe just because I was good at faking intelligence. What I was actually experiencing was imposter syndrome, which disproportionately affects women and makes people falsely believe they are not qualified enough for an opportunity. 

In my last year of college, I became convinced that intelligence is not as important as I once thought. I no longer believe that people are significantly smarter or less smart than I am. We all have had different opportunities to learn about different research, ideas and skills. Our brains might process information in a variety of ways, but that does not mean one brain is superior to another. 

College has made me confident that I can learn anything. If you would have told my first-year self that I would be able to take an exam that required me to write ten pages over six texts in four hours without any notes, I would have been shocked. Now, I’ve completed seven of those exams. With the right instruction and enough motivation, you could too. 

If I can drive on I-35, you can do anything 

In my advice column I wrote as a first-year, I mentioned that I was still trying to learn how to drive in downtown Kansas City. I used to add an extra fifteen minutes to my drive home by avoiding I-35 because of one bad experience.  I am happy to say that I now feel confident driving downtown.

While driving downtown may feel insignificant to some people, it was scary for me. There may be things that scare you that other people conquer easily. Don’t let others’ ideas of what is hard and what is easy invalidate your fears – and don’t let your fears stop you from trying new experiences. Do a meditation, say a prayer if you’re the praying type and buckle your seatbelt. No matter what the future has in store, you can handle it. 

I had a meeting with one of my favorite professors a few weeks ago. We started the meeting with the usual pleasantries and questions about how things are going. I told her they were going surprisingly well. I was ahead of schedule on multiple projects, had just gotten a good grade on a paper and was balancing being a student-athlete with the workload of senior-level courses. 

About ten minutes later I was crying on our Zoom call. She mentioned my plans to study at the University of Oxford next year – something I was supposed to do this school year – and I expressed my nervousness about the pandemic changing my plans again. Suddenly, I went from happily discussing how well I was managing this year to watching tears stream down my face on my Zoom camera. Watching yourself cry in real-time is one feature of Zoom I would have preferred to never find out existed. 

I thought that I was fine and then I wasn’t. I kept myself so busy this year that I managed to ignore that this pandemic doesn’t have an end date. In fact, I blocked most things about the pandemic out of my mind. I think we all have – it’s one of the only ways to cope. 

“This clearly has been bothering you,” my professor said in our meeting. It was clear to her that this year has caused me some anxiety, even though it hadn’t been clear to me.

I can remember telling my family how surprisingly normal school was when the year started. I’ve been living with my friends, spending days studying at the PLC and attending my classes. I’ve been sleeping the appropriate amount and eating the appropriate amount and getting good grades. My immediate family is healthy and fully vaccinated. By all indications, I am fine. 

I’ve been so fine that when I hear people talking about how professors should give students more grace this year, I’ve rolled my eyes a little. Sure, we’re in a pandemic, but haven’t we all figured this out by now? Shouldn’t we toughen up and get over it? Isn’t the stress we’re feeling just normal school stress? 

The thing is, it’s not normal to cry on a Zoom call over whether or not I will eventually get to study abroad, something that is a foundational part of the rigorous program I’ve spent the past three years working so hard to complete. It’s not normal to stress about if I’ll get quarantined for my final few weeks at Jewell. It’s not normal to worry about how the only time I could schedule my second vaccine is twenty-four hours before I take the biggest test of my college career and debate whether or not I’ll be too sick. 

I recently had a panic attack, another thing that is not normal for me. I had just sent an email to a group of professors regarding a project for The Hilltop Monitor. I started shaking and my vision went blurry. I was spiraling, and for the next twenty-four hours I was physically sick with anxiety. My panic attack was about more than just sending an email.

This year I felt painfully vulnerable every time I turned in an assignment or emailed a professor. My classes all require me to constantly write and present my ideas to then be critiqued, which I usually enjoy. I spent more time worrying that my words were embarrassing or unintelligent this year. I think education is something incredibly personal, and it requires a level of vulnerability. It’s hard to be vulnerable with people who you only interact with through a computer screen. I struggle with how impersonal and isolating my education has become.

All of my classes are virtual. Sometimes, I feel like my professors are not even real people, just email addresses and accounts on Zoom. I wonder if they feel the same way about me. I used to stop by their offices or hang around class a little longer if I had a question or just wanted to talk. Now, I debate if my question is worth typing up an email and scheduling a Zoom meeting. Most of the time, it isn’t. 

The other day, I realized that it had been over a year since I had seen any of my English professors. Throughout my college career, I have written hundreds of pages of my thoughts for these professors to read. They’ve spent hours writing feedback on these pages. They’ve had a profound impact on me, and I’ve grown so much as a person and a student because of them. Last March was probably the last time in my life I will ever see any of them.

Our professors are doing the best they can to make sure we have a positive college experience while being safe. For me, it has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. I am learning and making memories with friends. I am doing just as well in my classes as I always have. I know my professors are always there for me – it might just not be in person. It’s not their fault that students feel disconnected, but that doesn’t mean the disconnection isn’t difficult. College during COVID-19 is difficult for us all. 

If you’re feeling unmotivated or unsupported or just sad, it’s okay. It’s normal. Being a college student is harder this year, even if you get so absorbed with survival that you forget. Just because you appear to be doing well doesn’t mean things aren’t tough. Give yourself grace. 

“This has clearly been bothering you,” my professor told me as we talked to each other through a computer screen.

Whether you realize it or not, this pandemic has probably been bothering you, too. I felt a lot better once I was able to identify the emotional toll of virtual learning. Processing the impact this year had on us won’t be easy, but it’s going to be an important part of moving forward. 

We’ve all heard plenty of advice on what to do to manage stress. We may have even actually learned from that advice and figured out how to keep our own stress levels in check. However, this advice can’t prepare us for another particularly stressful situation: when our friends are stressed out. 

Our cortisol levels are likely to increase when we’re around stressed people, resulting in a condition called second-hand stress. When the people around you are worried about school, post-grad life or some other anxiety-inducing situation, it can be tough to know the right thing to say or do to help them feel better. Here are a few tips to try to help the stressed-out people around you – both for their mental health and your own. 

It’s important to recognize when a friend is dealing with normal stress and when the issue is something more serious. We all deal with stressful weeks, but if you notice major changes in a friend’s personality, sleeping or eating patterns for longer than a few weeks, you may want to encourage them to see a counselor. William Jewell College’s free counseling services are a great tool for anyone to utilize. The following tips are all for helping a friend with typical stress, not a more serious mental health concern. 

When a friend is stressed out, it’s important to listen to them without adding your own stresses to the mix. Don’t tell them about the massive test you have tomorrow or how few hours of sleep you got last night. It’s not a competition. While you may think you’re helping them feel better about how they have it easier than you, in actuality it will just make them feel like you aren’t interested in listening to their problems. 

If your friend tells you about something difficult they’re dealing with, your first instinct might be to fix the problem. It’s natural to want to provide solutions to your friend, but these solutions might not be wanted. Before you give advice, ask your friend if they want help or if they’re in the mood to just vent. If they just want to vent, respect their request. If they want advice, feel free to bestow all of your abundant knowledge upon them. 

Sometimes, if a friend is stressed about school, what they really need is time to get homework done. If they seem to be in the middle of a big assignment or studying for a test, don’t interrupt them. Give them space. If your roommate seems stressed about school, be sure to be courteous and keep the noise to a minimum. 

When your friend is in a tough situation, doing small acts that show you care can make a big difference. Write them a note or pick up their favorite coffee order. If they are your roommate, make their bed for them one morning or clean the bathroom – but make sure they are okay with you touching their stuff first. Coming back to a clean environment can be a great stress reliever. 

The most important thing for helping stressed-out friends is making sure they know you care. If they have a big test on Wednesday morning, be sure to text them Wednesday afternoon to ask how it went. People like to know that their friends listen and remember details about their lives. Oftentimes, there’s nothing tangible that you can do to make someone else’s stress go away, but you can always make them feel loved and supported.

Second-hand stress affects many college students. It’s okay to take a breather if being around a stressed friend is too much for you to handle. Your friends should respect if you need some alone time. Our stress levels vary from day to day, and if you and a friend are overwhelmed at the same time, there is nothing wrong with spending a few days apart.

Everyone needs their person who they turn to when they’re stressed out, and it can get exhausting if you are that person for everyone. Make sure you also have people in your life who are there to listen to you. 

We all know how tough it can be to know how to best help a stressed friend. By knowing your limits, being a good listener and letting your friend know you’re there to help, you can improve your stress levels and the stress levels of the people around you. 

We all have bad days sometimes. Maybe you did poorly on a test, got a speeding ticket or slept through your alarm. Maybe nothing bad actually happened, but you just feel like you got nothing done. If you often feel like the day got away from you, here are some tips to seize the moment and be more efficient in every aspect of life. 

At the forefront of most college students’ minds is academic efficiency. While I personally think we as a society need to move away from viewing productivity as the only measurement of a person’s value, efficiently completing necessary tasks gives you more free time and less stress. I like to get most of my homework done during the week so I have my weekends available to relax and spend time with friends. 

To be more academically efficient, you need to have a plan. Every Sunday night I type out everything that needs to get done that week – what classes I have and anything I have scheduled on my calendar. I then type out when I will work on each assignment. Give yourself grace when you plan your week – leave an hour or two each day completely blank and try to put no assignments on Saturday or Sunday. This makes the week seem less overwhelming and also gives you some wiggle room for when unexpected tasks appear. 

Many people say they struggle with following a plan. If you can’t focus, eliminate any distractions. Put your phone on the other side of the room. Go someplace quiet, like the second floor of the Pryor Learning Commons. 

When I am really struggling to work, I have a few tactics to force myself to be productive. Sometimes changing locations will help me focus, or starting with a smaller, easier task before working on something I’m dreading makes the tasks less overwhelming. Procrastinating by completing an easier or more enjoyable assignment is my favorite way to be more efficient. 

If you don’t have a hard time focusing, but you just don’t know where to start, I think embracing technology can help. Hop on the Academic Achievement Center Moodle course and find a tutor. Email your professor if you have a question rather than letting confusion be the roadblock that stops you from starting an assignment. Put on your favorite Spotify playlist to motivate yourself.

I like to use Google Drive to make outlines for most of my assignments. Starting by getting your thoughts down without putting pressure on yourself can get the ball rolling. I write a lot of papers and one of the best study habits I’ve adopted is taking notes on a separate sheet of paper instead of directly in a book or on an article. This way, when I’m getting ready to write a paper I have all of the key quotations in a streamlined list that I can easily read and analyze. 

Using time efficiently is not just an academic concern but also a social concern. Too often people think that productivity and a social life contradict each other, but I think a social life can actually help you become more efficient. Make plans with friends whenever you have a big deadline coming up. This way, you’ll be motivated to get the assignment done earlier so you can still hang out with your friends. I am always the most efficient when I’m busy because I know I have to stay on top of school to make it all work. 

Typically, I think drawing strong boundaries between social time and productive time is important, but if you have a lot of school work on your plate, going to a coffee shop and studying with a friend can be a nice way to increase your efficiency. Go with your most productive friend – this way their focus and work ethic will rub off on you and you won’t be tempted to spend the whole time talking.

The point of our lives is not to solely exist as efficient academic machines. Becoming more efficient in our personal lives can help us be happier and healthier. I don’t own a planner, but instead just use my phone calendar, the Notes app and my Google Drive. I think that streamlining things as much as possible so I don’t have another notebook to keep track of makes me feel less overwhelmed. When I’m feeling tired or run down, taking a short nap or shower is a great way to quickly recharge instead of just scrolling on my phone. Make eating and sleeping top priorities – hungry, tired people are not efficient people. 

Keeping your space clean is also an important part of increasing efficiency. I like to make my bed while I brush my teeth or run my laundry while I’m getting ready in the morning. I typically avoid multitasking, but mindless cleaning tasks are a good way to get everything done quickly. 

Respect your time and make other people respect it too. Say no to anything you don’t want to do – even if it seems like a good opportunity. If your friends frequently bail out on plans or don’t respect your time, try to find people who will. You deserve to have people in your life who want to help you make the most of a day. 

The last way to make your life more efficient is by making your purchases more efficient. I keep a list of things I want to buy on my phone at all times and don’t allow myself to buy anything not on the list. This way, I only buy things I really want or need, which keeps my space less cluttered. 

Make versatile purchases. Buy clothing that you can wear in multiple seasons or with a variety of other pieces. Buy food that works well in a variety of dishes. Efficiency is all about doing more with less. Time is something we will always want more of. Hopefully, with these tips, time can be something you do more with.