Congratulations, you’ve survived the first few weeks of college! You got lost on the way to class, you forgot that one important thing at home and you slowly started to figure things out. Your first year of college is so special, and what you do during this crucial time can set the tone for the rest of your college career. As a senior, allow me to give you some advice that will help you live a fun and fulfilling four years at William Jewell.

1. Build good habits early. The best college experience is one built on balance.  College gives you a lot more freedom than high school, which is great until you realize that no one is going to remind you to do your homework. You have to learn how to manage your time, get enough sleep, keep up with assignments and still have a life outside of school. The habits you build during your freshman year will follow you for the rest of college, so you might as well start good ones now. Set aside study time so that you aren’t neglecting your grades, but try to keep at least one day of your week open for social activities. Set alarms, set up a calendar, whatever works for you. You don’t need to have your entire life figured out, but learning how to balance work and fun will make everything much easier.
2. Make friends with other freshmen. Your freshman year is one of the easiest times to make friends because everyone is in the exact same boat. You are all new, you are all trying to figure out where your classes are and desperately trying to remember everyone’s names. Take advantage of that! Talk to the people sitting next to you in class and introduce yourself to people at events, even if it seems scary. You don’t have to become best friends with everyone you meet, but sometimes a simple “Hey, do you want to get food?” can turn into a friendship that lasts all four years. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Chances are, the other person is just as nervous as you are.
3. Take advantage of counseling services. College can be a lot, and there is absolutely no shame in admitting that you are struggling. William Jewell has resources available to students for a reason, so use them! Simply open your Brightspace, click “WJC Resources,” then find “Counseling Services” in the drop-down to see hours, location and who is available. You don’t have to wait until you are having a complete crisis to talk to someone about stress, homesickness, friendships, classes or anything else that is bothering you. Think of counseling like academic tutoring, except instead of helping you with calculus, it is helping you sort through the other messes that come with being a college student. Asking for help does not make you weak or incapable. If anything, knowing when you need help is a very important part of growing up. There is no secret rule that says you have to figure everything out by yourself. College is a learning experience in more ways than one, and part of learning how to be an adult is learning when to ask someone for a little assistance.
4. Telehealth is your friend. Sometimes the idea of walking across campus and sitting in an office to get help feels like way too much work. This is where telehealth can be incredibly useful. Being able to talk to someone from the comfort of your room makes getting support much more convenient. College is already busy enough, so take advantage of resources that make your life easier. Whether you’re working on your mental health or another aspect of your well-being, don’t ignore a problem just because getting help feels inconvenient. Your health is more important than whatever reason you have for avoiding the appointment.
5. Most importantly, go to as many events as possible, especially on the weekends. You will probably receive an absurd number of emails about campus events, and after a while you may start deleting them without even reading them. I know it can be tempting to go home on the weekends, especially if you live close by. Don’t. Go to the weird event. Go to the sporting event. Go to the movie night. Go to the event that you think sounds completely boring. You have four years to decide what you like, and freshman year is the perfect time to try things without worrying too much about whether they are “your thing.” Some of your best college memories will probably come from things you almost decided not to attend. You might meet someone new, discover a new interest or simply end up with a funny story to tell later. You can always go back to your room after it’s over, but you can’t recreate a night that you decided to skip.

At the end of the day, your freshman year is about figuring things out. You are going to make mistakes, miss assignments, get homesick, meet people you love, meet people you probably should have avoided and have days where you wonder what you were thinking when you decided to go to college. That is all part of it. You don’t have to have the perfect freshman year. Just put yourself out there, take care of yourself, ask for help when you need it and say yes to experiences whenever you can. Four years sounds like a long time right now, but trust me, it goes by much faster than you think.

You know their name. You know their major. You know where they usually sit in the cafeteria, what club they are involved in, or which professor they complain about after class. You have probably had at least one conversation that lasted long enough to make you think, I actually really like this person. You are not friends, exactly. But you are not strangers either.

College is full of people who occupy this strange middle ground. They are the people you recognize across campus, wave to when you pass them, talk to after class, and exchange the familiar phrase “ let’s hang out sometime.” You might follow each other on Instagram and know just enough about each other’s lives to feel familiar, but somehow never actually spend time together outside of the place where you met.

These are the people you keep almost becoming friends with.

Somewhere Between Stranger and Friend

College is an especially unique environment for creating these almost-friendships because our lives are divided into various spaces. You have your classes, your dorm, your job, your sport, your student organizations and the people you happen to sit next to at lunch. You can know someone well in one of those settings without ever getting to know them anywhere else.

This someone might be the person you always talk to before class, but once the professor dismisses everyone, you go your separate ways. You might spend three hours together at an organization meeting every week but never think to invite each other to the cafeteria. You might have a surprisingly deep conversation with someone at an event and then not see them again for a month.

None of these interactions are necessarily meaningless, in fact, some of them can make a large campus feel considerably smaller. There is something comforting about recognizing people. You start to notice familiar faces on your way to class; you know who will probably be sitting in the same spot at the next meeting. You begin to develop a collection of people you are happy to see, even if you would never describe them as close friends. Maybe that is one of the more underrated parts of college, not everyone you meet has to become a significant person in your life for the interaction to matter.

The “We Should Hang Out” Promise

Naturally, this is where the phrase “we should hang out sometime” gets thrown around. It is one of the most commonly used sentences in college, and it can mean almost anything. Sometimes it is genuine. Sometimes it is a polite way to end a conversation. Sometimes both people genuinely want to spend more time together but never figure out when. And sometimes, six months later, you run into that same person and realize you have said the exact same thing to each other at least three times. The funny thing is that neither person is necessarily lying. College students are busy. Between classes, homework, work, athletics, organizations and whatever else fills the calendar, finding time to turn a casual friendship into an actual friendship can be surprisingly difficult. There is also something slightly vulnerable about being the person who follows up.

It is easy to say, “We should hang out.”

It is harder to send the text: “Are you free Thursday?”

The second question creates the possibility of an actual answer. Maybe they are busy. Maybe they say no. Maybe they already have plans with someone else. Or maybe they say yes and the friendship actually moves beyond the hallway conversation. Sometimes the only thing standing between an acquaintance and a friend is someone being willing to make the first move, but that does not mean every almost-friendship needs to make that transition.

Maybe Almost-Friends Are Not a Bad Thing

There is a tendency to think of relationships as something that should constantly be moving forward. You meet someone, become friends, become close friends, and eventually add them to the group of people you cannot imagine college without. But real relationships do not always work that way. Some people will become your closest friends, others will remain the person you always enjoy talking to after class. Some will disappear from your life after a semester, some will come back to it years later. A person you barely knew freshman year might become a close friend later, while someone you spent every weekend with might eventually become little more than a familiar face.

There is no universal trajectory.

That can be especially easy to forget when social media makes friendship look so definitive. We see the group photos, birthday posts, weekend trips, and inside jokes, but rarely the dozens of casual relationships surrounding them. We see those who appear to be close without seeing how long it took to develop those friendships. The result is a strange pressure to categorize our own relationships. Are we friends? Are we actually close? Why wasn’t I invited? Should I be talking to them more? Sometimes the answer can simply be: We know each other. And that is enough.

Let People Surprise You

The best part about these almost-friendships is that they are not necessarily permanent. The person you only know from one class could end up becoming a close friend. The person you met during orientation might become someone you barely speak to by senior year. Someone you never expected to connect with might eventually become one of the most important people in your college experience.

That uncertainty is part of the fun.

College is one of the few times in life when you are constantly being introduced to new people, and there is no way to know which conversations will matter months or years from now. That does not mean every interaction needs to be carefully cultivated. It simply means there is value in being open to them.

So maybe the next time you tell someone, “We should hang out sometime,” you can actually make the plan. Or maybe you will see them next week, smile, ask how their class went, and continue on your way. Either way, you do not have to decide immediately what that person is going to mean to you. Some people become friends. Some remain acquaintances. Some become familiar faces who make campus feel a little more like home. And sometimes, the person you keep almost becoming friends with is exactly that: someone you have not become friends with yet. There is plenty of time for that to change.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev via Uplash.

It’s going to be quite a Thanksgiving this year, considering the current political landscape! If, like me, you really just want to eat some good home-cooked food with family and friends, here are some helpful tips for staying on top of arguments and keeping your Thanksgiving from getting too controversial.

Is your beloved family member going on a rant about how the Harris-Walz campaign was actually a coverup for the fact that climate change was deepfaked to make the moon landing more plausible? Consider approaching the matter with tactical evasion by roaring, “WOW. THIS PUMPKIN PIE IS DELICIOUS!” and glaring directly into their eyes while stabbing Nana’s award-winning hand-kneaded flaky pie crust hard enough to tear through the paper plate. If the subject is not dropped, you may consider forcefully serving your relative a helping of food, refusing to set down the serving knife. You should follow this up by gesturing at the food and repeatedly asking, “Isn’t Aunt Gertrude’s bean casserole just the highlight of your year?” As a physiological need, food is at the base of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and by fulfilling your relative’s basic desire for sustenance, you can de-escalate any political tension and make them feel loved and comforted.

Are you listening in disbelief to your ancient uncle’s Ted Talk about “post-birth abortion” and how “the left is grooming our kids to become vegan illegal immigrants who use our tax dollars to get sex reassignment surgeries?” I highly recommend vaulting onto the table and rubbing soggy stuffing into his hair while berserkly screaming gibberish. Everyone needs a little attention sometimes; this will gain his respect, help him feel warm and cuddly inside and steer the conversation to more constructive pathways.

Have you been dreading someone bringing up “mass deportation” or “illegal criminals,” but feel that the dinner conversation is quickly veering in a somewhat xenophobic direction? A great way to keep this situation under control is by slithering under the table and gently tickling people’s knees. “They’re coming for your jobses, precious!” you can tell them in your best Gollum voice from below their femurs. This is a great motto that your family will assuredly find meaningful.

Is your feeble grandmother using her last dregs of energy to aggressively declare that “more guns in schools would prevent mass shootings?” I recommend knocking over your chair and pitchily playing “Pumped Up Kicks” on the bagpipes while dancing an energetic Highland Fling. Generally, this will defuse the argument and leave your dear grandparent pacified and chuckling gently. I, at least, have personally found this tactic helpful.

Are all your male friends and relatives discussing “trans rights and men in women’s sports” while tugging on their impressive beards, no doubt sponsored by Black Rifle Coffee Co.? A tried-and-true method of keeping the conversation reasonable is to loudly cough every time anyone says anything you find especially unconstructive. If people throw you annoyed looks, it often helps to roll your eyes and say, “So sorry, I’m allergic to DUMB!” Men are naturally sensitive to people with allergies and intolerances and will generally do their best to kindly accommodate your biological peculiarities. Chivalry isn’t dead but sometimes you have to give it a little hint.

Helpful tip! Carry a large red button that says “NUKES” on it. This way, if anyone mentions current military conflicts during your idyllic and peaceful holiday meal, you can pull it out and slap it repeatedly while smiling widely and making explosion sounds. This is a great way to subtly signal that you prefer not to discuss these issues at the dinner table. If you catch someone giving you an odd look, be sure to mention that your nuke button is 100% prisoner-of-war made and therefore completely free!

Is your pale, high school dropout aunt making some less-than-accurate points about “Critical Race Theory in schools” and “perverting children?” A great idea for placating the situation here is to scurry off, return with an oversized baseball bat and gently bonk her over the head. Generally, the reason many women come up with opinions they don’t completely understand is because they have used Clinton-era, safety-recalled hairspray, which contains certain brain-altering toxins like cocaine and asbestos. By using your oversized baseball bat to ruin her hairdo, you will break her out of her daze. She will thank you over and over, of course, and the rest of Thanksgiving should go by with nothing but joy and happiness.

Has your chronically twitchy mother read something about “the jab” on her flat-earth Facebook group? Pull out a full-sized, hand-crafted, steel-bladed Spanish rapier and suggest a free, on-the-spot essential oil injection activity to help your family and friends experience more natural astral vibrations. I’ve often learned that in order to reroute the conversation, but still keep it from being all about yourself, it’s a great idea to sacrificially and genuinely offer something to the other person. Generosity never fails to warm hearts. Even your most stoic relative may have a tear in their eye once you’ve finished your DIY medical malpractice.

My last pro tip: if anyone brings religion into politics at all, have two pieces of bread on hand. This way, you can slap the bread onto either side of their face and scream at them that disregarding the separation of church and state, according to federal law, makes them an idiot sandwich. Everyone loves sandwiches, so this will be a sugar-coated approach to calming them down and helping them realize their mistake, leading to a more constructive interaction.

Of course, no matter your political opinions, it’s not acceptable to incite violence, even on friends and family. Sometimes you just have to let people have their own opinions and refrain from feeling that you always have to prove yourself right or convince everyone around you of your beliefs. Avoiding engagement entirely can really help your mental health stay steady, even if it means you have to listen to opinions you don’t agree with. If you want your political opinions to matter, there are ways to do that – the International Center on Nonviolent Conflict recommends marches, boycotts, walkouts, petitions, strikes and statements among others – but arguing during the holiday break is likely not going to change anything. 

Is there such a thing as the Grinch but for Valentine’s Day? I think I can speak for lots of singles who are tired of the constant barrage of Valentine’s Day marketing and the general pressure of finding the “right” plans. Even if you’re perfectly content in your single status, Valentine’s Day can trigger complex feelings and be a reminder of societal expectations. Almost 50% of adults in America are single, so you are not alone. If you’re in this boat, this guide is for you! Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be stressful or a day that you have to miss out on. Here are some ways to celebrate this year:

1. Galentine’s celebration

Galentine’s Day is a celebration of friendship that can take place on Valentine’s Day or any time of the year! There are so many fun ideas for hosting a Galentine’s party, such as getting crafty with DIY projects, eating themed snacks like heart-shaped pizzas, or hosting a romcom movie night. Galentine’s Day is all about celebrating platonic love and the people that are important in your life, which is a unique kind of love that fulfills many needs that romantic love cannot.

2. Self-care night

If you’re going solo on Valentine’s Day, you might as well make a night of it! Get your favorite takeout, turn on a movie of your choice and indulge in a sweet treat of your choice. If you’re of age, maybe have a glass of wine — or two. Put on a face mask and enjoy your own company. There’s no shame in having a night in for yourself and prioritizing your self-care. On a more serious note, it’s important to take care of your mental health when practicing self-care. If you are working through difficult emotions, there are campus resources that can help you work through your experiences.

3. Treat yourself 

Going hand-in-hand with the theme of self-care, treat yourself to something that you would want a hypothetical partner to do for you. If you love flowers, go buy yourself flowers! Or you could even take yourself out to a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. Maybe you want to see the new romcom movie, “Anyone But You,” but haven’t had the time. Valentine’s Day could be the perfect opportunity. It might sound a bit silly, but treating yourself is an act of self-love and doesn’t require another person.

4. Hit the town

On the other hand, if you’d rather spend Valentine’s Day out and not at home, that’s perfectly understandable. Go to a fun dinner, event, or bar with your single friends to make a night of it. Maybe you’ll find your Valentine after all if that’s what you are looking for, or you could play matchmaker for your friends. 

5. Hit the gym or take a fitness class

If you’re like me, sometimes having a good sweat session can be therapeutic. If Valentine’s Day has got you in the dumps, hit the gym and have a good workout to distract yourself. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to try pilates or kickboxing. This could be an opportunity to try a new challenge. Getting in a good workout will raise your endorphins and make your day better knowing you are working on becoming a better version of yourself. 

6. Spend time with family

If your family members or loved ones are welcoming to the idea, you could crash their Valentine’s Day plans. Maybe go out to brunch or lunch with your family to surround yourself with your people to celebrate this day that’s devoted to love. Spending time with family or loved ones can be a good reminder that you have people in your life who love you unconditionally, regardless of what period of life you’re in.

7. Do something kind for someone else

Gratitude and good deeds definitely lift spirits. They can help remove us from negative thought patterns and remind us of the most important things in our lives. Even showing a small act of kindness to a friend or acquaintance who may be going through a hard time can help brighten both of your days. If you’re interested, you could spend Valentine’s Day volunteering and giving back to your community.

Regardless of how you decide to spend Valentine’s Day, have fun with it and do something that will bring you joy. There’s no reason to forgo celebrations if you don’t have a partner.  Own it and celebrate in your own way!