[wp_quiz id=”14644″]

Up in the Scottish Highlands sits Loch Ness – a 23 mile long lake home to the country’s most famous unsolved mystery. Visitors have contemplated what could be lurking in the depths of its cold waters for hundreds of years, propagating the popular tale of a sea monster affectionately referred to as “Nessie.”

While the legend of the Loch Ness Monster is incomparable to dramatic theories about government cover ups and vast underground networks, Nessie’s story is worth examination because of its sheer longevity and popularity.

As difficult as it is to believe in the presence of such a creature given modern-day thinking and scientific advancements, the Loch Ness monster has ancient origins. According to Britannica, Nessie first surfaced in stone carvings done by the Picts –groups of tribes populating Scotland during the late Iron Age and early Medieval periods. Saint Columba gave the first written account in 565 A.D. – describing an ordeal in which he ordered the beast away before it could attack another man.

Nessie became a modern celebrity in 1933 when the Inverness Courier published a story about a couple who reported seeing the creature distort itself, “rolling and plunging for fully a minute, its body resembling that of a whale, and the water cascading and churning like a simmering cauldron.” Ever since, scientists, speculators and fame-seekers alike have been searching for explanations for subsequent encounters.

Shortly after the couple’s sighting, Marmaduke Weatherall, famed big game hunter, was hired to find evidence of the Loch Ness monster. Here is where I propose that anyone wishing to take up the occupation of big game hunter must first possess a name equal in flamboyance to Marmaduke Weatherall’s. Instead, he used a hippo foot fashioned into an umbrella stand – because apparently those used to be a thing – to create the appearance of footprints.

With the public still craving definitive proof of the monster’s existence, Robert Kenneth Wilson’s grainy photo of a long neck poking out of the water became iconic after it was published in 1934. Dubbed “The Surgeon’s Photo,” it was used as evidence for 60 years.

In an odd turn of events, a 1994 deathbed confession revealed the iconic photo was in fact staged using a toy submarine and a model for the monster’s head. Weatherall was the mastermind of the hoax, using Wilson’s credible name to get revenge for his previous failing.

Outside of hoaxes lie further explanations for Nessie sightings ranging from the believable to the mythological. According to Mentalfloss, sightings could be mistaken for as benign of things as tree limbs, reflections and birds.

Some of Nessie’s earlier appearances could have been trunks of traveling circus elephants using the loch to bathe. On the other hand, some think Nessie is really a long-necked plesiosaur who somehow managed to survive the extinction of the dinosaurs.

People across the globe still believe Nessie is out there today, and advances in technology may be the key to an answer. New Zealand’s University of Otago professor Neil Gemmell is using DNA from water samples collected in various parts of the Loch to check for any unaccounted species.

Testing a separate hypothesis, Dr. Tom Davey used a wave pool to demonstrate how the geology of Loch Ness could create waves that look similar to the undulating back of a sea monster.

Whatever your opinion on Nessie’s existence, one thing is for sure. The Loch Ness monster is unlikely to lose her legendary status until the lake is dry.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” said Larston. “I forgot to set my clocks forward the previous day. I got to White Science Center an hour late to put him into sleep mode. The doors were already unlocked—they lock from the inside, in case you never noticed, to keep him in—and I thought ‘aw, crap, Billy is out.’”

Security camera footage revealed that Billy took a lap around the quad, climbed on the roofs of a few buildings, studied in a PLC room without reserving it and stole a muffin from the display case before making his way to Ely Hall. That’s where Larston found him.

“He was in the entrance. His card wouldn’t let him in because we never let him matriculate. There was a student inside that wouldn’t let him in. I didn’t think anyone actually followed that policy.”

Billy is the only example of creepy crawlulus, a biologically-engineered organism designed specifically to guard White Science Center from potential break-ins. He was created by a team led by Dr. Owen Wayne, the biology department’s genetic engineering specialist. Until now, the project was known only to the biology department.

“It’s totally legal, I promise,” said Wayne. “We just needed something to guard the expensive equipment at night back when the campus never locked a single door. Times have changed, obviously, but we couldn’t find Billy a new home. So, like most old things at Jewell, we kept him here in a storeroom.”

After an initial cover-up, news of the break-out was made public and Billy’s very existence on campus was met with swift, widespread condemnation. Many are calling for Wayne’s resignation. Among those is Clark Carlson, junior biology major.

“It’s things like these that get me most upset. It’s why I’ve run for student president every year I’ve been here,” said Carlson.

He believes Billy’s breakout will give him the powder keg he needs to win election this year.

“Once I’m placed in charge, we’ll release Billy into the wild, where he belongs. After that, students and students alone will decide if we want monsters on campus. They’ll be organic, non-GMO, cage-free monsters that won’t harm anyone.” said Carlson.

In the meantime, Billy has been relocated to a new closet, Pillsbury Room 313, and placed on indefinite sleep mode.