We’ve all heard plenty of advice on what to do to manage stress. We may have even actually learned from that advice and figured out how to keep our own stress levels in check. However, this advice can’t prepare us for another particularly stressful situation: when our friends are stressed out. 

Our cortisol levels are likely to increase when we’re around stressed people, resulting in a condition called second-hand stress. When the people around you are worried about school, post-grad life or some other anxiety-inducing situation, it can be tough to know the right thing to say or do to help them feel better. Here are a few tips to try to help the stressed-out people around you – both for their mental health and your own. 

It’s important to recognize when a friend is dealing with normal stress and when the issue is something more serious. We all deal with stressful weeks, but if you notice major changes in a friend’s personality, sleeping or eating patterns for longer than a few weeks, you may want to encourage them to see a counselor. William Jewell College’s free counseling services are a great tool for anyone to utilize. The following tips are all for helping a friend with typical stress, not a more serious mental health concern. 

When a friend is stressed out, it’s important to listen to them without adding your own stresses to the mix. Don’t tell them about the massive test you have tomorrow or how few hours of sleep you got last night. It’s not a competition. While you may think you’re helping them feel better about how they have it easier than you, in actuality it will just make them feel like you aren’t interested in listening to their problems. 

If your friend tells you about something difficult they’re dealing with, your first instinct might be to fix the problem. It’s natural to want to provide solutions to your friend, but these solutions might not be wanted. Before you give advice, ask your friend if they want help or if they’re in the mood to just vent. If they just want to vent, respect their request. If they want advice, feel free to bestow all of your abundant knowledge upon them. 

Sometimes, if a friend is stressed about school, what they really need is time to get homework done. If they seem to be in the middle of a big assignment or studying for a test, don’t interrupt them. Give them space. If your roommate seems stressed about school, be sure to be courteous and keep the noise to a minimum. 

When your friend is in a tough situation, doing small acts that show you care can make a big difference. Write them a note or pick up their favorite coffee order. If they are your roommate, make their bed for them one morning or clean the bathroom – but make sure they are okay with you touching their stuff first. Coming back to a clean environment can be a great stress reliever. 

The most important thing for helping stressed-out friends is making sure they know you care. If they have a big test on Wednesday morning, be sure to text them Wednesday afternoon to ask how it went. People like to know that their friends listen and remember details about their lives. Oftentimes, there’s nothing tangible that you can do to make someone else’s stress go away, but you can always make them feel loved and supported.

Second-hand stress affects many college students. It’s okay to take a breather if being around a stressed friend is too much for you to handle. Your friends should respect if you need some alone time. Our stress levels vary from day to day, and if you and a friend are overwhelmed at the same time, there is nothing wrong with spending a few days apart.

Everyone needs their person who they turn to when they’re stressed out, and it can get exhausting if you are that person for everyone. Make sure you also have people in your life who are there to listen to you. 

We all know how tough it can be to know how to best help a stressed friend. By knowing your limits, being a good listener and letting your friend know you’re there to help, you can improve your stress levels and the stress levels of the people around you. 

Most college students are no strangers to long hours at the library, lengthy study sessions before exams and general stress regarding academic and personal issues. Recently, mental health on college campuses has become an important issue, as research has found that three out of five students experience overwhelming anxiety, and two out of five students report difficulty functioning due to depression. The same study found that only a small percentage, about 10-15 percent, of students seek services at their university counseling center. 

Several mental health experts attributed this lack of self-help to the perpetuation of stress culture, defined as the glorification of being busy and the belief that reaching academic success necessitates stress. This is easily seen in the normalization of overlooking self-care and justifying unhealthy behaviors, such as caffeine dependencies and pulling all-nighters which have become synonymous with the college experience. Especially on college campuses, there is an attitude that stress is a signifier of hard work which will translate to academic success. 

Although there are clear benefits to hard work and pushing yourself, many people fail to recognize that stress culture negatively impacts students’ mental health and can lead to burnout and unhealthy behavior. Stress culture can negatively impact physical health as well through ignoring exercise and healthy eating. 

Substance abuse is linked to poor mental health, and stress can push students to use unhealthy methods to combat it. Stress culture pushes students to compare themselves to their peers in order to stay ahead and ultimately leads to negative self-image and insecurity issues. It is important to recognize that a school-life balance is necessary to enable students to enjoy other activities that help foster creativity, relaxation and other positive benefits. 

On William Jewell College’s campus, I have seen stress culture perpetuated through students who sacrifice their mental health in order to prioritize schoolwork. I know many students believe that some professors perpetuate stress culture by assigning a heavy course load without leniency. As a member of the Oxbridge Honors Program at Jewell, I have especially witnessed and felt the impacts of stress culture. There is a strong temptation to give in to comparison to my peer’s workload or study behavior since their work ethic is evident. 

COVID-19 has also made stress culture more evident. Since it is harder to have social outlets for stress, it is easy to internalize rather than combat it. Many students rely on extracurricular activities to relieve stress, but COVID-19 made these activities more difficult or changed the experience. In combination with COVID-19 stressors, college has become even more stressful because of academic and health concerns. 

Although there are avenues for Jewell students to get help for stress and mental health concerns, I think there could be a stronger push for making these resources known and further accessible to students. Initiatives such as Mental Health Month at Jewell are visible attempts to combat stress culture, but I am uncertain of their impact on the student body. The spring break days are also helpful in creating a mental health break for students. However, in the especially stressful times of COVID-19, additional resources that help students combat stress would be useful.

Michaela Esau shares her tips and tricks for getting through the stress of midterms.

The days are getting longer, the grass is getting greener and the assignments are getting tougher. Spring has nearly sprung, which means the newness of 2020 has started to fade away. After January and February – two of the saddest months of the year thanks to gloomy weather and the end of the holidays – it’s not uncommon to feel stuck in a rut. 

We all go through periods where we just feel off. Maybe you’re a little anxious, sad or stressed. Maybe you’re more tired than normal, or everything seems to not be going your way. If these kinds of periods persist for longer than two weeks, checking in with a counselor or therapist is the best option. However, if you’re simply going through a brief bout of sadness, there is an end in sight. Spring is a time of new beginnings, which means it’s a great time to climb out of the dumps with the help of a fresh routine.

Routines help improve sleep, stress-levels and overall health. Adding structure and good habits can make you more productive and happier. I’m going to walk you through aspects of my daily routine that I have found help prevent procrastination and anxiety and give me a major mood-boost. 

Morning meditation

I, like most people, have a tough time waking up in the morning. I love nothing more than a five-minute – well, more like 10-minute – snooze after my alarm goes off. Recently, however, I have implemented morning meditation instead of snoozing. 

I recommend downloading a meditation app, such as Stop Breathe Think, and tuning into a five-minute guided meditation right when your alarm goes off. The great thing about meditation in the morning is you gain another five minutes in bed and get to keep your eyes closed. Plus, when the meditation ends with a chime, you’ll feel relaxed, awake and ready to take on the day. 

Tidy up 

Once I’m done meditating and am about to walk out the door, I like to try to pick up one or two things. I make my bed, pick up the homework that has inevitably gathered itself on my desk and fold and put away my pajamas that I probably left on the floor after changing. Would it be more efficient to just put away my clothes after I changed? Yes, but routines aren’t about going for perfection. It’s about going for consistency and implementing simple, easy habits. 

It’s good to also tidy yourself up in the morning. Take care of your skin, put on clothes you feel good in and fix your hair. I don’t like to wear athletic clothes to class because I find that dressing up makes me feel more put together. The most important part of a morning routine is hyping yourself up and making sure you feel confident in your ability to take on the day – no matter what that looks like for you. 

Step by step

My room is somewhat picked up, and I’ve gathered everything necessary for class. Now is one of my favorite times of the day – the walk up. I live in the Shumaker Sorority Complex, which is about an eight-minute uphill walk to my classes. Most residents drive to a closer parking lot, but I find the walk to be one of the best parts of my daily routine. There’s nothing like starting your day knowing you’ve already accomplished something – even if that thing is as simple as climbing up a hill. I like to listen to the news while I walk to class and to a fun podcast on the way back down.

Getting more steps in is something every person can do, even if you don’t have the opportunity to walk to class or work. Think about all the places you go in a day. Is there any building that has stairs where you usually take the elevator? Try parking in the last row of the grocery store parking lot instead of pining for that front-row spot. 

An important aspect of getting more steps in is to not allow weather to be a factor. I’ve walked to class when it was a minus 11 degree windchill and snowing, and I lived to tell the tale. Umbrellas, coats and scarves all exist for a reason. 

Get it done

Once I’m out of class, I like to go straight to work. Of course, this is easier said than done. The best way to implement this habit is to make a rule of only checking your phone when standing up. It sounds funny, but it’s effective. 

Maybe you need to answer an email or respond to a text. You think, “I’ll just respond to this text and then I’ll start my reading.” We all know what will actually happen is you’ll sit down, respond to the text and then scroll on Instagram for 30 minutes. Suddenly it’s time for your next class and you never started the reading. 

Instead, tell yourself you’ll answer the text in 15 minutes. Open your book as soon as you sit down. Once you’ve read a few pages, get up and walk to a new location to answer the text. You’ll not only stretch your legs, but you’ll also be more intentional with your phone usage. I find that this tactic makes it a lot easier for me to get started on homework. It’s easier to go from walking around to working than it is to go from sitting on your phone to working. I feel less stressed, and tasks become more manageable. 

Rate what you ate

It’s time for a meal. If you’ve ever struggled with dieting or obsessive eating, this is a habit that I’ve found to be extremely helpful. Before I eat, I like to mentally rank how hungry I am on a scale of 1-10, one being shakily hungry and 10 being painfully full. I also then rank how hungry I am after a meal or snack. 

The purpose of this is to encourage myself to stay around a three, which is comfortably hungry, before meals. After meals I try to be at a six, which is satisfyingly full. Many people who have dealt with unhealthy food relationships spend a lot of time at a one or two, which means they are depriving themselves of crucial nutrients. This then causes them to binge eat, reaching a nine or 10, which induces feelings of shame and self-loathing. 

By checking in with yourself before and after you eat, you can learn to respect and understand your body, no longer depriving or gorging yourself. I used to feel shame and anxiety around food, but this routine has helped me feel confident in my ability to balance my eating habits. 

End the day the “write” way

The day is winding down. A good evening routine sets you up for a great tomorrow. Having a nighttime routine encourages better sleep – which we all need. Writing out my schedule for the next day is the most important part of my evening routine. 

I like to check my calendar on my phone and take a moment to remember what is due the next day. Then I type out an hour-by-hour schedule on the notes app of my phone. This calms me down because I realize that I have plenty of hours in the day to get everything done. I also include hours to relax or do something fun, which makes me excited for the next day. 

After I’ve planned my next day, I journal. Planning my day and journaling together take about 10 minutes, meaning they both are low-maintenance activities to incorporate into your routine. In my journal I write down what I did that day, how I’m feeling and anything I’m worried about. I like to end my journal with three things the day made me thankful for. 

Moonlit mindfulness

You meditated in the morning, so it only makes sense to bring it full circle and also meditate at night. I like to do another guided meditation using Stop Breathe Think right before I go to sleep. It’s a great way to relax and fall asleep with ease. You can also choose to be mindful on your own, maybe by praying or simply thinking about some things the day made you feel thankful for. 

Not every person looks for the same things in a good daily routine. However, what is important is that you establish a routine that works for you. If your routine isn’t working for you – or if you don’t have a routine at all – try implementing these tips. Consistency is key, so challenge yourself to do each habit each day for a week. You’ll be on your way to living a more relaxed, productive and joyful life.