“They are to be stoned.” Exodus 19:13, NIV
Hello, fellow Jewell students! I am excited to announce that I am finally starting my own student organization. I know not a lot of people agree with me, so I’m prepared for a lot of pushback and persecution, but I think it’s finally time for me to stand up for what I believe in. I’ve really been working on taking up the space to tell my story and be myself, so I hope you’ll support my newest endeavour. Let’s change the world!
Yes, that’s right. It’s about time someone started a Burning Joint USA chapter at this college. Honestly, it’s surprising to me that I’m the only one here with the guts to do this. I mean, at least someone’s not afraid to speak out about real Christian values like being chill as hell. Since this college is formerly Baptist affiliated, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you of the words written in the book of Mary chapter 4 and verse 20: “And then said the LORD, ‘Pass that blunt around again, for I desire that my followers be freaking baked, and also bring thou in the Bagel Bites, for behold, all who follow me shall be fed with a multitude of calories. For does it not speak in the Prophets of the burning bush, or something like that? Whoa, dude, these bagels are my body, and the tomato sauce is my blood. The mozzarella cheese – thou canst figure that out for thyself. Anyways, pass that shit so I can get a hit. Hey, that rhymes, haha. Hehe.’” I think we need to take the Bible more seriously in this age of persecution and stop ignoring verses we don’t like just because of culture war issues. That’s why it’s so important that the Jewell community commits to representing and lifting up Christlike voices in this age of atheism.
But, you might be thinking, how in the world are we going to pull off this religious organization at such a worldly and sin-ridden college? Won’t we have trouble finding support from the faculty here? Won’t we be hated and run out of town? Well, that’s the good news, Cardinals: BJUSA doesn’t need college support to be an official college-affiliated organization! Turns out, we’ve never needed a faculty sponsor to sign off on a form in order to start a club: I can’t believe it’s taken us all this time to realize that!1 This is great news, because I know someone who’s perfect to lead a BJUSA chapter at William Jewell College: my stepdad Rob. He has his own basement where we can go light one up, and he’s super chill. He’s pretty much always passed out on the couch. Also, his smoke alarm doesn’t work, so we don’t have to worry about waking anyone up, and he doesn’t mind if we eat some of his mini muffins as long as we give him a ride to work sometimes to pay him back.
Now that we have the practical stuff out of the way, all I need to do is get that form signed, and William Jewell’s inaugural Burning Joint USA chapter will be up and running! Finally, we will have a college-affiliated – even if not college-supervised – space to enact our religious freedom. Join BJUSA to support the cause and smoke up for the teachings of Jaysus Christ in a world that is against us!
- I spoke to Ernie Stufflebean about this in relation to the TPUSA chapter recently established on campus without a faculty advisor and he said that there has never been a requirement to have a faculty advisor when starting a student organization. Surprising given the struggle many student organizations have had in the past to find a faculty advisor for their student organization to become official. Must have just been a big misunderstanding. ↩︎
