The Single Members of the Hilltop Monitor Editorial Staff
Are you single and wondering how to land a Valentine’s date on short notice? Well, look no further because we, the single members of the editorial staff for The Hilltop Monitor, will impart our valuable, indispensable, totally correct advice for getting a date to you. Keep reading for some love wisdom.
So, it is now a mere two days before Valentine’s Day, and you are scrambling to find a date. Same. I have never really put much stock into celebrating Valentine’s Day – it’s never been an excessively exciting or depressing day for me. I generally find it kind of cute, but that’s the extent of my worrying about it. However, this year I am craving some combination of chocolate and strawberry. I also feel somewhat starved for human interaction after suffering through nearly a year of a pandemic, so maybe a Valentine’s date would be exciting.
My advice for navigating this situation? Give yourself a couple of avenues, don’t overwhelm yourself with opportunity and keep a solid backup plan.
1) Hop on a dating app or two. Two solid go-tos are Tinder and Hinge. I am 100 percent positive you will see at least a couple of people on each app fishing for a Valentine’s date. Depending on what you’re looking for, you can choose which app to focus on. If you want sex or another primarily physical contact with someone whose personality is relatively unimportant, spend some extra time on Tinder.
If this is your goal, please be COVID-19 safe, wear a mask and be sure to follow all Operation Safe Campus guidelines. And please use protection and have safe sex. Condoms are in all residential halls, courtesy of GIF, if you have an emergency need for one.
If you want to have more of a conversation and potentially meet someone you would want to see again, spend some more time on Hinge.
Regardless of the app you choose to focus on, spend some time swiping ASAP and just focus on getting some potential suitors. After a decent amount of swiping, switch to charming a few of your matches. Don’t try to message and entertain everyone because you will become overwhelmed and more boring to each match. If someone starts out poorly, drop ‘em. Find a few decent options that you can cultivate into potential Valentine’s dates.
2) Check your results from CUA’s Match-Making survey. Maybe your top recommended match is your Jewell crush! While it may be slightly awkward, you can totally come up with a funny slide-in about the survey to gauge if they may be down for a date. If not, you made a potentially funny, not-too-embarrassing joke about a campus-wide dating survey. No harm, no foul.
Also, I find it objectively hilarious to try to slide in on someone via email. So if you don’t have a match’s phone number or social media, email them and know I am getting immense joy from your actions. Please cc the Monitor if you choose to do so. Our email is firstname.lastname@example.org
3) Keep a fun, not-too-depressing backup plan. If you cannot find a date for Sunday, have a plan to do something, even if it’s small. Find another single friend, order a pizza, drink some champagne or sparkling grape juice and get a dessert. Yes, it is a little depressing to be with another single friend on Valentine’s Day when all your other friends are on dates, but at least you get a meal that’s not from the caf and some socialization time.
Alternatively, make and drink a bunch of espresso martinis with friends. I will warn that this may make you nauseous, but, yes, they are nevertheless delicious and totally worth it.
Ahh yes, Valentine’s Day looms. Like my colleagues, I have never been particularly concerned with this holiday. My favorite part of the holiday is usually hearing the eclectic combination of sweet and cringeworthy stories that inevitably emerge from it. Yet, perhaps due to the need to socially distance for the last year, I’m more sympathetic to Valentine’s Day this year.
In finding dates for Valentine’s Day, first of all, be mindful of COVID-19 precautions and make sure you are not putting yourself at increased risk. The pandemic is still spreading virulently here in the U.S.
My best advice for those seeking to find a Valentine’s Day Date is to start with a healthy dose of self-awareness. Figure out what you want and adjust your approach accordingly. Though matches and love stories are found everywhere, generally an app like Tinder will be more conducive for hookups than for beginning long-term relationships. Plus, this will help ensure you and your prospective partners have a similar understanding of the nature of the relationship and prevent miscommunications.
I’m known for two things: being in long-lasting, fulfilling relationships, and being pre-med. It is for these reasons that I am known – both colloquially and professionally – as Dr. Love.
Now, let me give a little prescription to all the lonely hearts reading this.
Last Valentine’s Day Eve, I made what I believed at the time to be a critical mistake. In search of some company on what I thought was about to be a lonely evening, I decided to shoot a “wyd” message to a prospective Valentine’s companion on WhatsApp. Twenty-five minutes later, I checked for a response. To my dismay, I had sent my “wyd” message to not only the wrong individual but the wrong individuals. The 40-person group chat full of other students that I had been added to at the start of my year abroad had all witnessed me requesting a late-night intimate hangout.
How embarrassing, you’re probably thinking. I get it – I thought the same thing at first. Though the message was up (unanswered) for 25 minutes in the group chat before I realized I sent it to the wrong recipient and unsent the message (bless you, WhatsApp), I now look back and wish I had not deleted that message.
Why? Because it was exactly the sort of audacious move I needed to pull in order to not spend my Valentine’s Day alone.
“Wyd” is perhaps the most versatile and palatable phrase one can use to relay an interest in intimate activities. If someone is not interested, they could simply interpret your “wyd” as a polite inquiry regarding your recent goings-on. Or, if they, like you, are looking for a Valentine’s date, they’ll read your “wyd” as the proposition it is, and before you know it, you’ll have the date you were looking for.
Be liberal with your “wyd.” Send it to your 150-person sophomore class group chat. Send it to the Army recruiter who somehow rediscovers your phone number every 16 months. Send it to your RA, even.
Might you wound your pride a little bit? Absolutely. But think about it: after sending out 4, 40, 4,000 “wyd”s, I can guarantee that someone will respond, and you will successfully secure a Valentine’s date. But, please, don’t file a medical malpractice suit if it doesn’t work.