To be honest…with Laurel Colemire

To be honest, I feel like I step into an episode of “Portlandia” every time I come up to the Hill. This has become a very serious problem on Jewell’s campus, and it needs to stop now.

It’s not fun when I’m walking to class and almost die because someone on a longboard decides to go as fast as they can on their way to a class that is 20 feet from their dorm. I feel like I’m about to see Fred Armisen with his gauges screaming, “LONGBOARD RIGHTS.” We need a longboard lane so everyone is allowed to longboard without almost decapitating anyone.

Last year, hammocks took over Jewell’s campus, and it’s carried over to this year. We can now rent hammocks from the PLC. Each day between classes, we are very likely to see a hammock. Everyone gets ready to go hammock like they’re going on a 10-day hiking trip. As they set up their three-tier hammock bunk bed, I expect someone to fall and yell out “AYO RIVER.” Once they leave their hammock, they go to @TheBeak and wait in a ten-minute line for their Starbucks coffee. These people are delayed by screaming their opinion to anyone that will listen.

Sometimes, when I walk around the quad, I see Toni and Candice from Women & Women First everywhere. We get it. We’re all independent women and we don’t need to have a guy to be happy. It’s like I’m never allowed to talk to a guy; otherwise, I’m not a feminist.

When I go to White Science Center in the middle of the night to play sardines with all my friends, I see some people get so into it, like they’re about to start a league of their own. It’s like we need to start an ultimate hide & seek group, maybe get some baja hoodies with our team name on it.

Soon, we’re going to start putting birds on everything and making seashell art. If I start to see drum circles or a band with a cat in it, I may lose it. It’s okay to be yourself. You don’t need to do what everyone else is doing to be cool. You don’t need to be different from everyone else to prove anything. It’s normal for people to like the same things, and it’s normal for people to like something a little different than usual. Just be who you want to be.

Put a cardinal on it!

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