AFE: High upon a hill she stands

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Image courtesy of William Jewell College Photo.

After many harrowing experiences meant to throw them off the trail, investigative journalists have discovered the truth behind a question that has plagued generations of Jewell students: why the Hill?

Whether it be the trek from the commuter lot to the quad, from the Sahara to the first-year dorms or from Shumaker to the PLC, one constant remains to guarantee that students are out of breath and uncomfortably aware of a burning sensation in their calves by the end of their journey – that is, of course, the Hill.

Getting in touch with some of the more communicative ghosts on the third floor of Jewell Hall, we asked for their insight into this universal predicament. One ghost – kept anonymous by request – confirms that the donation of the land on which William Jewell College now stands was very intentional, and that the wheezing and groaning of nonathletic students who just want to get to class without becoming tachycardic are, in fact, all according to plan. The fact that students are often weighed down by heavy textbooks, however, is simply considered a bonus.

Today, Jewell prides itself on its students’ famous critical thinking skills, providing courses that result in fully-developed academic minds. However, our spectral source confirms that the original plan for Jewell’s hilltop location was meant to ensure that not only would students become mentally strong, but that they would also be physically strong as well – or at the very least, to ensure that Jewell students would always have great legs.

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