The Hilltop Monitor

The Hilltop Monitor

The Official Student Publication of William Jewell College

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Recent News
  • AI Psychosis, Delusions, and the Digital Condition
  • Jewell Quietly Publishes Directory Information
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Category: Satire

AFE: Languages Department hacks Jewellverse, removes English from iPad settings

1 April 2015
Alexandria Acord
No Comments

Graphjam.com After weeks of speculation and investigation, school officials are finally close to tracking the culprit behind the infamous iPad language hackings that have rendered…

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AFE: Sigma Nu returns to campus with plans to occupy Baseball House

1 April 2015
Mary Luber
No Comments

The Beta Xi chapter of the Sigma Nu fraternity has been reinstated on the William Jewell College campus, ending its almost 13 year long hiatus…

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AFE: Perch workers lonely, ask Jewell students to come back

1 April 2015
Caitlin Troutman
No Comments

Since the opening of @@@@@thebeak last autumn, attendance at Jewell’s other coffee shop, affectionately called The Perch* by the seniors who began their Jewell journey…

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AFE: 10 Russian Phrases from Dr. Holiman that will Make You Say “wut”

1 April 2015
James Webber
No Comments

Ба́бушка гада́ла, на́двое сказа́ла. Literally from Russian: Granny was telling fortunes and said two things. English: No one can know for certain. Ба́ба с во́зу —…

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AFE: Jewell’s #1 Places to go #2: A definitive ranking of campus bathrooms

1 April 2015
Morgan Allen
No Comments

The top 24 bathrooms on campus. Ranked. 24. Yates-Gill College Union (Cage Level)   This bathroom just barely made it onto our list. Some say The…

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AFE: BREAKING NEWS: Sorority mom/dot pairings aren’t actually related

1 April 2015
Brianna Steiert
No Comments

Earth-shattering news has reached the campus of William Jewell College: the sorority women that call each other “mom” and “dot” aren’t actually related. The falsities that…

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