AFE: Perch workers lonely, ask Jewell students to come back

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Since the opening of @@@@@thebeak last autumn, attendance at Jewell’s other coffee shop, affectionately called The Perch* by the seniors who began their Jewell journey without iPads or immediate access to frappucinos, has declined drastically. Despite its cozy atmosphere and wait-free bathrooms (don’t miss our countdown of the best toilets on campus), students just aren’t interested in going to the coffee shop. This is perhaps due to the fact that The Perch has fewer couches and outlets, but many students say it is because the establishment does not have a Twitter feed.

This decline in attendance has impacted the staff.

“It’s just so sad up here. What are we doing wrong?” said Perch supervisor Kristina Clevenger. “We’ve got smoothies!”

Other employees were more accustomed to the easy-going pace of The Perch.

“It’s weird when people come by and, like, want coffee,” said sophomore and new Perch employee Mikayla Roller. “When there are tours or something it’s kind of overwhelming.”

When asked about their attendance at The Perch, most students were unsure where the coffee shop was located. When it was clarified that The Perch was above the only eating establishment on campus, most recalled having been to the coffee shop for Orientation. However, they were not eager to revisit the establishment.

“I mean, stairs,” said sophomore Sam Buhlig.

*Correction: the original version of this story called the coffee shop “The Cage.” It’s actually “The Perch.” The Cage is that place where you made your friends wait an hour and a half for nachos that one time.

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