Humans of Jewell

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What’s your biggest struggle right now?

“Well, right now, it’s how in the world we’re going to get all these presents out by Christmas Eve, it always is. You know what it’s like? It’s like the end of semesters when I was in college. How in the world am I going to get all these papers done, should have done them months ago! Same thing when you’re out in the working world. How am I going to get all these presents out? I should have been on this earlier instead of sunning myself on the beach. Well, there we go. We’ll get it done, we always do, just like we did in college.”

How do you deal with the stress?

“Well, stress, stress is a big factor of course, in one’s life, generally, and certainly in the role of Santa leading up to Christmas. And you know, I find a good mince pie or a cookie, maybe a little glass of milk, often takes away the stress. Santa’s always been keen on, believe it or not, oatmeal raisin cookies. I really do like those. However, you can’t possibly beat a good sugar-covered cookie of some kind. You know, at the end of the day there’s no bad cookie, is there? There’s just degrees of goodness is sort of how I view it.”

What’s your biggest regret?

“The old regret question. Well, you know, there was that time that I let Coca-Cola decide what I would wear. And I must say I would probably rethink that one, now, but it’s all too well ingrained so red it is, red for me. Not sure I look my best in red always, but I used to do more green. I liked green, earthy, earth tones. But, you know, Coca-Cola said they could do it all over for me, no cost to me, and before you know it here I am in a nice red suit. It’s not bad, don’t get me wrong, just wasn’t my original look. People are used to it now, so we’ll go with it.”

Do you find pleasure in throwing candy at people during Hanging of the Green?

“Yes, I find that the pleasure comes not in the throwing but in the hitting of the people, you know? The throwing, well there is not a great deal of pleasure in that. And of course if the candy just lands on the floor or near someone, well that’s so-so. But when the candy really gets them a good one, you know, right between the eyes, well there is pleasure there.”

Elliott Yoakum

Elliott is a sophomore Oxbridge literature and theory major and a staff writer for The Hilltop Monitor. He also manages the podcast, Hilltopics.

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