AFE: Moaning Myrtle has invaded the Ely boys bathroom

There has been a recent spotting this past week of Moaning Myrtle in the boys’ bathrooms in Ely. The hallway on the boys’ floor of Ely emits the lovely smells of mold and dampness due to persistent flooding of the toilets that flow to the outer threshold of the hallway carpeting. Don’t worry, these smells mask the general stench of sweat, body odor and testosterone. It has been confirmed that she occupies the middle stall. A source in the Residence Life staff has also confirmed that there is singing at night that comes from the leaky toilet.

The problem has finally been resolved as work orders to fix the problematic toilet were inundating the maintenance crew. Many of the residents on the second floor have befriended Myrtle. When asked about Myrtle many of them responded that she’s a quite friendly ghost that enjoys the company of the residents on the second floor. Myrtle has even helped to create many fun floor activities that build a community atmosphere like knitting, spa days and shopping spree outings.

I decided to interview several of the residents to ask their favorite thing about Myrtle living on the second floor.

“I really like Myrtle because she helps me style my hair,” said Dalton Dye.

“She likes to play nerf guns wars with us. It’s dope,” said Anthony Howard.

“She understands Southern hospitality,” said Nick Besson.

With the overwhelming amount of admiration for Myrtle, Residence Life directors have concluded that they will let Myrtle continue to live in the toilet. She has even become the newest individual to be interviewed for the Stall Street Journal. You can check out her interview as you fulfill your daily duty this coming week. Until then Myrtle always enjoys visitors.


Feature photo courtesy of Warner Bros.

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