AFE: Harriman-Jewell Series expands to include illegal raves, Scottish pirate metal bands

Photo by Amy Kontras

The Harriman Jewell Series, a so-called “Fine Arts Program” never supported the art of the people. Symphonies, ballet and opera are merely Bourgeois leisure, but a glorious reversal may be coming soon.

In leaked documents obtained by “The Hilltop Monitor,” the 2018 season may include a concert by Haggising, a Scottish pirate speed metal band that’s quickly rose to prominence amongst Scottish pirate speed metal circles. Among other performances available without charge to all students are an interpretive dance performance at an Anarchist rally and a rave in an abandoned West Bottoms warehouse put on by DJ HydroFog.

Members of the Kansas City VAEFAL (Vegan Atheist Existentialist Feminist Anarchist League) seemed excited about the possibility of being presented, but we weren’t exactly sure what they meant.

“We can’t confirm or deny that we’re being considered, because that would indicate that we’re beholden to objective truth, a human construct,” the group’s leader said in an anonymous interview “Also, we might get arrested for it, but that’s not to say that we’re beholden to the state. We’re totally not.”

The Harriman-Jewell Series could not be reached for comment, probably because they’re busy planning their annual April 1 Kanye West performance.

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