Despite William Jewell College’s recent rebranding mission that dubbed the school “The Critical Thinking College™,” enrollment is still running low. In response, the students of Jewell have submitted and voted for what they believe to be the most accurate rebranding slogans that will recruit the most potential applicants. Below are…
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AFE: The Hilltop Monitor editorial staff targeted
What do a clump of hair, a wasp and a large metal hinge have in common? They have all been located in the food and beverages of The Hilltop Monitor editorial staff. The features editor of the Monitor, Michaela Esau, first-year Oxbridge: Literature and Theory and communication major, found a…
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AFE: My Advice? Enjoy those fire alarms baby, take it all in
We all know that one of the best things that happens at William Jewell College is when someone burns a grilled cheese and sets off the fire alarms. Perhaps you’re sitting at your desk working on that paper that’s due in two hours but you somehow managed to forget about…
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AFE: Conspiracy theory – Jewell admits icons only
In a stunning reveal, the Hilltop Monitor has uncovered evidence that William Jewell College may have some of the lowest true acceptance rates in the country for one very telling reason: Jewell admits icons only. With just a cursory look at the Pryor Learning Commons (PLC), one can see the…
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AFE: Person tries cleaning email inbox one time, thwarted by Moodle updates
Self-help articles and the like online suggest that cleaning one’s email inbox assists in better mental health. Reporting to you live from A Student’s Dorm Room, I can confirm that this may very well be true – so long as your email inbox isn’t your student email. The student, who…
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AFE: Administration to open investigation to find the most stressed student at Jewell
Administration at William Jewell College is set to open an investigation in order to find out who the most stressed student at the College really is. After years of rigorous academics and critical thinking, college officials have been listening to students constantly comparing themselves around campus. “I literally got two…
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AFE: Jewell’s beer pong team advance to conference championship
William Jewell College’s very own beer pong team, the Cardinal Chuggers, have made it to conference championships this year, where they will fight to receive a championship title. This is a historic event, considering that this is the first sport at Jewell to progress so far in competition in a…
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AFE: Jewell revokes ban on single major students receiving degrees
William Jewell College has issued a statement revoking its ban on single majors receiving degrees. This change came on the heels of demonstrations and rallies by single major students who yearned to engender change here on campus. The outlaw of single majors was instituted in 2007 after around 98 percent…
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AFE: Self-help tip – Flee
Rather than randomly blather about my own intricacies like some kind of narcissist, I am here to report that there is a new practice in self-help that gives universally drastic improvements to one’s mental health. This practice checks off all the bullet points on your conventional self-help checklist, including exercise…
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