The Hilltop Monitor

The Hilltop Monitor

The Official Student Publication of William Jewell College

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Category: Satire

AFE: Student body votes on department superlatives

1 April 2021
Christina Kirk
No Comments

In a time-honored tradition at William Jewell College, the student body collectively votes for superlative awards for different majors in the different academic programs offered…

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AFE: How to be a girlboss

1 April 2021
Agatha Echenique
2 Comments

This advice is not for the faint of heart. Being a GIRLBOSS is harder than anything in the world. Being a GIRLBOSS is more than…

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AFE: How to make a delicious bowl of toasted and flaked sugary corn or wheat, topped with your choice of milk

1 April 2021
Chloe McDonnell
No Comments

First, find the nearest bowl. You will also need some sort of utensil—a spoon, or a fork (if you are a monster). These tools will…

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AFE: Top travel destinations for summer vacation

1 April 2021
Alaina Flory
No Comments

The Bermuda Triangle Looking for a tropical getaway this summer to end your quarantine blues? If so, a cruise to the Bermuda Triangle is topping…

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AFE: White Claw added to soda fountain in the caf

1 April 2021
Catherine Dema
No Comments

To the delight of students over 21 from Melrose to Senior House, the cafeteria will now provide White Claw on tap. After shooting to popularity…

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AFE: Students vote for more “On-Brand” Jewell slogan: see the results

1 April 2019
Harper Vincent
No Comments

Despite William Jewell College’s recent rebranding mission that dubbed the school “The Critical Thinking College™,” enrollment is still running low. In response, the students of…

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AFE: The Hilltop Monitor editorial staff targeted

1 April 2019
Michaela Esau
No Comments

What do a clump of hair, a wasp and a large metal hinge have in common? They have all been located in the food and…

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AFE: My Advice? Enjoy those fire alarms baby, take it all in

1 April 2019
Caitlin Overmeyer
No Comments

We all know that one of the best things that happens at William Jewell College is when someone burns a grilled cheese and sets off…

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AFE: Conspiracy theory – Jewell admits icons only

1 April 2019
Catherine Dema
No Comments

In a stunning reveal, the Hilltop Monitor has uncovered evidence that William Jewell College may have some of the lowest true acceptance rates in the…

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