The Hilltop Monitor

The Hilltop Monitor

The Official Student Publication of William Jewell College

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Category: Satire

AFE: Person tries cleaning email inbox one time, thwarted by Moodle updates

1 April 2019
Anna Warner
No Comments

Self-help articles and the like online suggest that cleaning one’s email inbox assists in better mental health. Reporting to you live from A Student’s Dorm…

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AFE: Administration to open investigation to find the most stressed student at Jewell

1 April 2019
Savannah Hawley
1 Comment

Administration at William Jewell College is set to open an investigation in order to find out who the most stressed student at the College really…

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AFE: Jewell revokes ban on single major students receiving degrees

1 April 2019
Madelyn Comeau
No Comments

William Jewell College has issued a statement revoking its ban on single majors receiving degrees. This change came on the heels of demonstrations and rallies…

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AFE: Jewell’s beer pong team advance to conference championship

1 April 2019
Savanah Malam
No Comments

William Jewell College’s very own beer pong team, the Cardinal Chuggers, have made it to conference championships this year, where they will fight to receive…

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AFE: Self-help tip – Flee

1 April 2019
Anna Warner
No Comments

Rather than randomly blather about my own intricacies like some kind of narcissist, I am here to report that there is a new practice in…

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AFE: Top 10: Things heard in the PLC

1 April 2019
Maddie McCormick
No Comments

Have you ever wondered what the most talked about subjects are at William Jewell College? Since The Hilltop Monitor is the No. 1 source for…

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AFE: Monitor quiz success pushes Buzzfeed to declare bankruptcy

1 April 2019
Caitlin Overmeyer
No Comments

This week, rumors have been circulating of Buzzfeed declaring bankruptcy due to the success of the quizzes published by The Hilltop Monitor. As of today,…

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AFE: Donald Trump gives Monitor “Least Fake News Award”

1 April 2019
Rachel Bell
No Comments

President Donald Trump, our nation’s fearless leader, bestowed The Hilltop Monitor with the highest honor a publication can receive – the coveted Least Fake News…

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AFE: Should napping become an Olympic sport?

1 April 2019
Jack Ledbetter
No Comments

From college students to little children to tired parents, everyone takes naps. However, there are some expert nappers that don’t receive the credit that they…

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