AFE: Donald Trump gives Monitor “Least Fake News Award”

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Image courtesy of an anonymous source.

President Donald Trump, our nation’s fearless leader, bestowed The Hilltop Monitor with the highest honor a publication can receive – the coveted Least Fake News Award.

“Almost all of these media outlets are totally disgusting and sad,” President Trump said in a statement he released to commemorate this glorious occasion. “I can’t thank The Hilltop Monitor enough for always supporting my quest to Make America Great Again.”

Students and staff may wonder how their college’s humble publication came to receive the award. Obviously the Hilltop Monitor is a widely read news source beloved by everyone on campus, but national recognition came with a groundbreaking article written by Christina Kirk, sophomore Oxbridge: Institutions and Policy major, this February.

The article, entitled “Top 10: Most Iconic Donald Trump Tweets,” featured some of the greatest utterances our orange-tinted leader has ever typed. When President Trump saw this brave reporting, he couldn’t help but feel compelled to give the Monitor something in return,

“The Hilltop Monitor uses the goodest of the good words,” Trump said. “In ten years it’s going to be HUGE. You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it. Believe me, it will be so great.”

Beyond national adoration, the prize came with a small cash prize of $1 million, so The Hilltop Monitor can jump-start a corrupt real-estate empire and start their own line of mediocre steaks.

“They were the only ones to accurately report my inauguration’s HUGE attendance as one billion people, and their writers would never make fun of me,” Trump said.

Since the Monitor actually reports the real news, Trump has proposed legislation to replace CNN and other fake news outlets with college publications.

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